A newfound responsibility

By Rita, Alameda County Juvenile Hall
The Beat Within/NAM

It was bad enough that I am locked up in juvenile hall, but I thought everything was going well until one day I was called to go to the nurse. When I went to meet with the nurse, I was told that I was pregnant. I thought, “What am I going to do now?”

I always told myself that if I ever got pregnant, I would not get an abortion. But this is a really tough decision for me, because I just barely turned 17 and I haven’t finished high school yet.

The worst part about it is I will be locked up during my whole pregnancy. That’s horrible.

Now, I have to worry about telling my boyfriend and about how he is going to take it. And the same for my family — I am worried about what their reaction will be. This is building up more stress for me, and it’s painful.

The good part is I know my mom and my true friends are here for me. But I have to really think long and seriously about how I will take care of my baby. I don’t want to depend on my mom all the time, because she’s getting old and she’s already been through enough with me and my brothers and sisters.

I have to finish high school and get a job so I can provide for myself and for my baby.

It feels good when you make your own money and buy the things that you want and need and don’t have to worry about other people buying you things. Now I have a baby to look after and take care of, so I have to work harder.

Another good thing is now I know I will not get into trouble any more. I could never risk being locked up, or worse, after I have my child. I could never leave my baby.

Originally published Aug. 20-26, 2008